Have you ever read the scripture about ‘standing in the gap’?
Eze 22:30 I looked for someone among them who would build up the wall and stand before me in the gap on behalf of the land so I would not have to destroy it, but I found no one.
I learned about the principle years ago, and it is widely known in Christian circles. Standing in the gap means to pray for a person that cannot or doesn’t want to pray, for whatever reason. That verse, got new meaning. I have a story to tell. It isn’t a pretty story, but it has a marvellous ending.
My husband and I have been through a year of hell. Being an aspie, I cannot cope with unpredictability and uncertainty. And since last year October, that is all we had. Unpredictability. Uncertainty. Not knowing what is going to happen next. To tell you that it frustrated me, is a major understatement. It nearly destroyed me. Since August, I became very depressed. I just couldn’t see our way out of our circumstances. Gradually, it just became worse and worse. And my thoughts became dark. I wasn’t suicidal, as I will never do that to my husband, my mother and my children. We had a suicide in our family and I have seen what it does to those who stayed behind. But I really didn’t want to live anymore. I couldn’t handle life anymore. I wanted to die. Just die.
The night before last night, I could not sleep. Despite taking a sleeping tablet. I was arguing with God throughout the night. And I got more and more desperate. After a couple of hours, God told me we have reached the turning point, and things will start changing.
Only today, I got this testimony from a friend. That same night, God woke her up and commanded her to pray for me. I am going to translate her messages to me without changing anything.
“I woke up with a horrible anxiety and all I could see in the dark was your face, in a cloud. I jumped out of bed, went to the bathroom and asked God what I should do. I got back in bed asking God to direct me. God told me to pray for you; if I don’t, you won’t make it. I started praying softly but I couldn’t find rest. I jumped out of bed, and went to the room where you always sleep when you visit us. There I knelt beside the bed and starting pleading with God that He would keep you from committing suicide – that was the first thing I thought of! I pleaded with God to let you experience peace and love. Eventually I was crying to much that all I could say was ‘please God’. It went on for three hours. And then the Lord spoke to me again. He clearly said that if I didn’t stand in the gap for you, HE would remove you from your circumstances.”
God knew my heart. He knew I had no will to live left. But He also knew I still have work to do. So He got someone to stand in the gap and pray for me, when I was praying the wrong prayer. In His grace and mercy, He ignored my prayers and instead raised up a Godly warrior that prayed for me.
I am humbled. I am overwhelmed by God’s goodness and mercy. That verse will be special to me forever. And the warrior He raised up for me, will for always have a massive space in my heart. If there was disobedience, I might not have been here, to write this blog.
God is good all the time. And all the time, God is good.
We are not out of the woods yet, but things have started to change.