That is what I feel like. Stuck in a run-away train on the way to nowhere at one heck of a speed. I wish I could hit the brakes on my life right now. I have too much stuff, happening too fast, all at the same time. And right now, I am not coping with any of it. I feel as if I have lost control altogether. I’ve been consumed by my work, my studies and other people.
Yes right now I have to work. But why did I allow my work to consume my entire life? At the cost of family time? I am not blaming anybody but myself. The corporate world is like that – if you allow it to consume you, it will. Mercilessly too. The biggest question of all – how do I reverse out of this?
Do I have to study? I am not so sure. When I started I wanted to study. Whether I still want to now I don’t know. To reverse out of that is almost impossible too! Every person I discuss this with tells me I am crazy. And I feel guilty just thinking about it.
Why is it so difficult to say no? Why is it so difficult to just walk away from some things or some people? I think I have a sick sense of responsibility. I feel responsible for the success of people I hardly know and spend loads of time motivating and encouraging them. The majority of which I have never met in real life. I feel responsible for everybody trying to learn something I know well and try to mentor them all.
All for what? I have no idea.
I am in a terrible tug of war with myself. There is very little in my life that have eternity value. Very little. There are only a few things in my life that I am satisfied with. There are only a few things in my life that I enjoy. The majority of my life has become a schlep. One that I can do without. I am sick of it. Really and truly sick of it.
The worst part of this entire lamentation? I have no idea how to change it. None whatsoever.
When I saw him on the side of the road, I knew he was new in the neighbourhood. When you drive along a road every morning at 05h00, you get to know the people around at that time of the morning. He was new. So I gave him a ride. God works in mysterious ways – the people that I usually pick up have not been there this morning. Why I have no idea. Maybe just so that this man could be alone with me for a few minutes. Just long enough to find out he is in a bad space at the moment. He hasn’t been to church for a while. He feels let-down by his family. He has no support group. And right now, life is too tough to handle. I had just enough time to extend a hand of friendship. To offer counselling on my husband’s behalf. To offer him ‘n ride to church. I had just enough time to quickly throw a few seeds into the ground of his heart and when he got out, I started praying for a harvest.
I was reminded of the picture of a chinese man that walks with a beam across his shoulders, with a pale of water on each end of the beam. Years ago I even had salt and pepper shakers like that. The little pales of water could come off the beam and they were the shakers. In the spirit that is what we all should look like. Walking around with pales of water, ready to give to the thirsty and the tired along life’s road. Life is so full of broken people. If you really look intently, and really listen, you will be amazed at the number of broken people that cross your path daily. What are we offering them? Life has become so fast, nobody has time anymore to just spend on another person to help him / her along life’s road.
The water-carrier (www.chinaenvironmentallaw.com )
Decide today to be a water-carrier in the Kingdom of God. Be ready today to extend some comfort and support to those who need it. That is what we are called for.
We were in our cars, ready to leave for work when I saw it – a young tree obstructing the driveway. The wind was so strong last night that the young tree could not stay standing. We had to get out and my husband had to drag the tree out of the way. I love trees and I love planting trees. I was sad to see a tree like that.
Driving out I was still thinking about the tree. It reminded me of our children. Our children are like young trees in the garden of life. We as parents have an obligation towards these young trees to keep them standing. The storms that life today throws at the young children are must worse than those we experienced as teenagers and young adults. Parents today have a much more difficult job than what our parents had. Influences today are so much stronger than way back when. Temptations are so much more. The constant feed of information is difficult to control. We can only succeed as parents if we are Godly parents. God clearly instructs us to raise our children in His ways.
Proverbs 22:6 – Train up a child in the way he should go: and when he is old, he will not depart from it.
The full responsibility of raising a child hit me again this morning while I was driving. With each child in the house, God entrusted us with a life. We have to make sure that human being is raised in God’s ways and reaches his / her full potential. It’s an amazing responsibility, but is a huge and overwhelming one too. We only get one chance. The example I set today, I can never change. I can try for a better one tomorrow, but the bad example will be in my child’s memory forever.
How can parents possibly attempt this huge responsibility without God? What excuse will they offer one day, when God holds them accountable for a child that doesn’t know God? That is a truly frightening thought.
What example are you setting dear parent?