They say change is good. Some say change is as good as a holiday. I am not so sure. Our lives changed dramatically during the last week. It is good, that I can say, but a holiday? Surely not.
In case you are wondering, we are smiling. We laugh a lot. We also cry a lot, and I really mean that. We are all very emotional right now, but even that is good. This little girl has to learn that it is okay to cry. Seeing me and Dries wipe off tears will contribute to her emotional healing.
This ordeal touched me in ways I could not imagine. I had to get past myself. Our own children are grown up, they don’t need that intense looking after anymore. I think I became too important in my life. Me, myself and I. My studies. My time. Suddenly there is very little time for me. Suddenly there is very little time to study. Subjects are being moved out to the next semester. I won’t finish my degree when I planned to. And it’s okay. The world won’t end. It is of little value when compared to the life of this young girl.
Somewhere deep inside of me I found a well of patience I never knew I had. Or maybe God showered me with some patience right when I needed it. I am used to girls who do what they have to do with little intervention from me. I have a reputation for my lack of patience. And I am not even as bad as I used to be! But yesterday, I had loads of it. I can only close my eyes and whisper a thank you prayer. There is no other explanation for it.
Our change is uncomfortable, but I know, it is also good. Most of us tend to shy away from change, when sometimes change is all we need. Maybe we should all make time to stop running and become quiet for a change. Maybe we should ask God what He would like us to change, and actually wait for His answer.
Change is good.
I saw the most beautiful video clip early this morning. It’s a sketch by Nicole Johnson on motherhood, with the most beautiful analogy ever. It is an excerpt from her book “The Invisible Woman – When Only God Sees”. The book is now on my wish list – a hint for my dearest husband who always read my blog and Lizelda who runs the bookshop 🙂
It made me think of the legacy of my mother in me. I have fond memories of her reading me stories from the children’s bible every night. She taught me to study the Word of God. She taught me to pray. She taught me to stubbornly trust God when nothing makes sense. I short, she gave me a handle to hold on to for the rest of my life. That handle is God.
Our new little girl did not have that. Church did not form part of her life up till now. She has been in a church twice so far, both times with us. We bought her a Bible. To her it is a strange book as she did not hear all the stories from a young age. She doesn’t yet have a handle to hold onto. She only has us, and that is not enough. We are her only hope right now, but she knows from experience that people are not good handles to hold on to. She has been failed too many times. When I told her last night that we have to go to children’s court today, she was petrified. Petrified of seeing her mother, father or grandmother. Petrified of the court taking her away from us. The raw fear on her face made me so sad. I could not comfort her with God, she doesn’t yet know that He will never fail her. We have a spiritual backlog of 15 years to deal with. For 15 years, no seeds have been sown. For 15 years, no stories have been told. For 15 years, no handle has been given.
How about you? Do you have a handle to hold on to? Are you close enough to your handle to hold on to it when times get tough? People may fail us but God will never fail us. He is the only constant in a world that is continually changing. He is the only handle worth holding on to.
I am sure you have seen the results of a cat playing with a ball of yarn. I had a mongoose and the results were similar. What used to be a ball of yarn ended up as one huge knot. A knot I didn’t have the patience to undo. The ball of yarn ended up in the rubbish bin. Much to my mother’s disgust. She could not bare the thought of such waste. So she took it out of the rubbish bin and sat patiently for hours, undoing the mess and gently rolling the yarn into a ball again.
When I look at the young girl that God placed in our house, I see a messed up ball of yarn. Somebody recklessly played around with her life and we are left with a lot of pain and confusion all tangled together. My emotion is more or less the same as it was when I saw my messed up yarn. I had no idea how to undo the damage then and I have no idea now. The only difference is that I will not walk away from it this time. This time I am part of the team who will patiently unravel the mess and try to bring her back to her purpose and to a full and happy life.
I have no idea how to do it. But God knows. And that is enough for me. We will go though this one day at a time, holding on to God.
If you want to be part of the team who will unravel the messed up yarn, send me an email and I will add you to a list of people praying specifically for our little girl. I will update you regularly with specific prayer requests. It is all you have to do, just pray. The most important contribution of this entire team effort!
And in the end, all the glory will be unto God, for His love never fails…