I am referring to my spiritual season. There is change underway. I can feel the rumble of the ground under my spiritual feet and it’s not a pleasant feeling. I know this feeling. I felt it many times before. I know what’s coming and it’s scaring the daylights out of me.
My comfort zone is suddenly everything but comfortable. I am challenged on all sides to start moving. And I am honest if I say I don’t like it. It’s nice here where I am. I am not doing much, I don’t have much responsibility, I deserve the rest after all that has happened. Clearly God is not in agreement with me. My rest has continued long enough. Now in His opinion, I am not resting, I am stagnating. So change is due.
I remember years ago I one day prayed a prayer out of pure stupidity. I prayed that God will teach me patience. Big mistake. I won’t ever ask for that again. I wanted to sew a piece of clothing that day. First the yarn on the overlocker broke. I had to re-thread all four spools of yarn. Then the needle broke. I replaced the needle. Then the tension went out for some obscure reason. After investigation I found the yarn had mysteriously slipped out of it’s pathway, causing a loss of tension. Re-threaded the overlocker again. And just as I thought it was all sorted, the whole cycle repeated itself. Several times. Until eventually I threw everything down and went outside in an anger rage. Only to hear the soft voice of Holy Spirit: “I am trying to teach you patience”.
Be careful what you pray for. God might just grant your request.
This time I didn’t ask for anything. I was quite content to continue my spiritual laziness. God decided it’s time for change. I am scared. I know that God is more interested in my character than in my material well-being. As a normal run-of-the-mill person, I am more interested in my material well-being that in my character. Are we not all like this? It’s difficult to change our focus to place importance on the things that God see as important. A change of character is not easy. It’s not for sissies. In times like this, God has to burn away the impurities so that His character can shine through. It’s traumatic. It’s painful. It’s uncomfortable. It’s sore. And I know it’s coming.
The most difficult part of this is to just surrender and say: “Okay God, here I am. Break me. Mould me. Make me what You want me to be”.
I can’t pray that prayer just yet. I am too scared.