Our empty love tanks


Each one of us has a love tank. You too. Unfortunately, many people walk around with an empty love tank. You will find many a person who feel that he or she is giving everything and the partner is not reciprocating.  Almost all of them will feel unloved.  Sometimes incorrectly so.

I read a book on love languages several years ago.  Five Love Languages by Gary Chapman.  It’s revelational.  I think every young couple should get one as a wedding gift.  I will definitely give one to each of my children on their wedding days.  It’s a must.  I actually wish they would read it now already.  I can see the miscommunication due to different love languages already, but what does mother know?

Gary Chapman describes five different types of people.  Each type experiences love differently and automatically shows love in his / her own dominant love language – often not understood by the partner who may have a different love language.  Obviously you may have more than one, but one will always take preference.  Let me give you a quick overview.

The first type of person has a love language of Physical Touch.  The hugs and kisses person.  If this is your partner and you dare walk past him / her without a stroke on the arm or a quick hug, you will be perceived as cold and unloving.

Then we have the one who speaks the language of Positive Affirmation.  They need to hear things like “Wow you look stunning today!” or “I love you so much!” on a daily basis.  You can do whatever you want, if you don’t SAY it, they will not believe it.

Thirdly is the Quality Time person.  He or she wants to have time with you ALONE.  Time that you spend focused on him or her, not on the TV screen or a movie. 

Next in line is the Gift of Giving person.  They love giving gifts and they love receiving it.  The cost of the gift is not important at all – the thought behind it is worth it being treasured for years to come.  They spend time looking for the gift or making the gift.  They listen carefully for hints.  If you don’t give special gifts in return, the person will feel unloved.

Lastly is the Acts of Service person.  They show their love through little acts of service like running the errands, packing a lunch box, buying the groceries, cooking now and then or washing the dishes.  You have to do something in return to show your love in a way they will understand.

I am sure you recognised yourself in the descriptions above.  Maybe you recognised your partner too.  Let me tell you, you owe it to yourself to find out what the love language of your partner is.  If you know it, you can make a point of ‘speaking’ it.  By doing that, you will ensure that your own love tank is overflowing, because your partner will surely reciprocate.  Just make sure he or she knows what your love language is.

If you haven’t yet got the book, buy it.  It’s an investment in your relationship.  It’s money well spent.


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